How I learned to cope with my eco-anxiety

Are you just that little bit addicted to Amazon? Do you struggle with not being able to resist the next ‘buy now’ dopamine hit? And does it trap you in a feeling of guilt that feeds your climate anxiety? Green Salon intern Autumn Clarke writes about her experiences as a compulsive consumer and talks about the lifestyle changes that helped her soothe her eco-anxiety and dump the nickname Autumn “Amazon” Clarke.

Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash

I have a confession to make. Well, several actually. The first is that, during my late teens, my family would often refer to me as ‘Autumn Amazon Clarke’ due to the sheer volume of Amazon parcels that would arrive on our doorstep week after week. In my defence, many of those deliveries were books and other university essentials. This didn’t make the humiliation any less, though.

Yes, that’s exactly what that nickname endowed me with; humiliation and shame - strong words to describe the emotions evoked by a small brown parcel with the word ‘Amazon’ swiped across the front of it, but nonetheless true. 

Despite every bit of Amazon cardboard I recycled, I couldn’t help but panic a bit at the realisation that I had done the Thing. Yes, you know what I’m talking about. I had over-consumed and fallen prey to yet another Amazon fad, with the hope that one more tiny plastic gadget could, indeed, change my life. The Thing was soon followed by the Feeling. A sense of overwhelm came over me. Tossing and turning late in the night, I was suddenly awoken by my own rapturous thoughts, screaming ‘It was me! I did it! I AM THE GLOBAL CLIMATE CRISIS.’ 

Okay, so it wasn’t quite that dramatic. However, I did spend a lot of my late teens suffering from a quiet inward turmoil regarding my actions and how they might be affecting the planet. I think this was particularly the case for me as I had come of age in an era of unfolding climate anxiety and existentialism. A sense of guilt and shame was sewn into every PrettyLittleThing purchase I made, and laminated onto every bit of plastic I put in the rubbish bin. I was angry, worried, hopeless, and a little bit lost. The worst part was that I was feeling so many things all at once and yet had no real sense of where they came from or why. 

I’m sure many other early twenty-somethings’ will have experienced, or are currently experiencing, similar feelings. It can be so difficult to find the source of our worries when they are often embedded deep within us through subtle and insidious messaging. The faint hum of the news reporting on yet more melting ice caps, for example, or the awful wildfire videos that quickly stack-up in your TikTok feed when the world combusts once more. 

Despite my looming eco-anxiety, I was still consuming in excess. Gosh, by this point I was utterly addicted! I longed for the dopamine hit every time I pressed ‘buy.’ Next day delivery meant it could be Christmas every single day. But I soon ran out of quick-fixes, and before I knew it I was feeling quietly guilty again. That’s when I knew I had to set myself some new rules.

The first step, and the most important one I believe, was that I started to look after myself a lot better. It’s a massive cliche, but ultimately very true; you simply cannot pour from an empty cup, and my cup had been bone dry for far too long. Previously, I sought out quick sugar fixes and ate lots of rubbish fast-food. This was hugely counterproductive, as these high sugar, preservative infused foods only made me feel even more lethargic.

On top of this, my reliance on fast-food during busy, stressful weeks, was also contributing to more CO2 emissions and non-recyclable waste on my part. I put rubbish inside my body, and felt rubbish for it. I decided that enough was enough; the occasional burger - fine. Four burgers a month? Oh hell no! I picked up my phone and one by one, deleted those vibrant, neon widgets. Goodbye, Deliveroo. Adieu, Uber Eats. At least for now.

In the meantime, I have spent time learning how to  plan my meals and becoming an ingredient household. I’ve learnt that the trick is in knowing how to get the most out of basic ingredients by knowing how to season them with herbs and spices and pairing them together correctly. Now that I know how to use my ingredients, I plan on switching to Abel and Cole’s weekly planet-friendly veggie box, as I really want to save myself time and stress when I start a new full-time job. 

In addition to eating rubbish, I was also, quite literally, wearing rubbish. Many of the cheap fast-fashion items I was buying broke far too easily and had to be thrown away fairly quickly after they were worn. This not only created more landfill waste, but also ended up burning more of a hole in my pocket than if I had just saved up and bought something that lasted longer and thus cost me less money over time. It’s taken me a while to get into the habit of it, but I’ve now swapped ASOS out for Vinted, and try my best to sell an old item before buying a new one.

There’s something extremely satisfying about putting my unused items back into circulation, knowing that their journey is far from over and hoping that they will be loved by their new owner in the same way. I’m not alone in thinking this way either, because Lilli Patterson, a previous Green Salon Oxford Intern, felt similarly after overcoming her own fast-fashion addiction.

Behaviours that previously kept that internal wheel of negativity and demotivation relentlessly spinning within me were now coming undone, and I could feel the wheel slowing. By carving out time to make my meals, I realised that I could certainly find more time for looking after myself. I just needed to make my day work for me. I found ways to incorporate nature walks and swimming (I discovered I find movement in water extremely therapeutic) and time for facial massage which helps calm my migraines in times of stress.

I now do everything I can to protect my mind, body and soul from toxins and unwanted stressors. I even remembered how to breathe (how could I forget that!?) when I started exercising regularly. I hadn’t even noticed, but constant anxiety and lacklustre self-care had meant my breathing had become very shallow. Now, I take 10 deep breaths whenever I need to.

I still had one habit to kick though. I needed to wipe that awful epithet from my name. “Autumn Amazon, no more!” I declared. Turns out, It was actually quite simple. All I needed was a household clear-out to make me realise how much space all my Amazon junk actually took up! Figuring out what to do with all that rubbish was enough stress for me to practically beg for Amazon Prime to be turned off in our home.

Truthfully, I still have Amazon Prime and that’s ok, IT’S NOT ABOUT PERFECTION. I just no longer abuse the opportunity to have things delivered to my door quickly, and I look in charity shops, Ebay or Vinted for books or household goods I need. This has not only helped me restore my prior reputation as a normal person who isn’t addicted to Amazon, but also saved me money and reduced my carbon footprint. 

In the past couple of years, as I embark on my journey into adulthood, I have learnt one crucial thing that keeps me going when all else fails: Earth’s capacity for regeneration - it’s ability to set itself alight in order to scream “NO!” to us humans - is extraordinary and will ultimately be what saves the planet. The Earth is communicating with us and, more than anything, reflects back to us our own human capacity for change. Destruction is a part of nature and our destructive side as human beings does not render us innately bad. We have to master our powers and make good with our hurting planet. We must acknowledge, understand and then work together to destroy complacency’s power over us.

Feeling overwhelmed & struggling with eco-anxiety? Lucy Johnson is a trained psychotherapist who specialises in eco-anxiety and you can reach out to her at lucy@greensalon.co.uk

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